Great misfortune have befallen me. i spilt water on my laptop....those of u who have seen my laptop will know how much pride i have in it, coupled with the fact that it costs quite a bit....my heart really aches...the keyboard doesn't work...dare not try to switch it on for fear i will face a useless laptop. worse still, i don't know what and how to tell my mom that i spoilt my laptop just like that. now i'm in a sorry state, have to go aruond hunting for laptops and computers to use, millions and zillions thanks to faith and amy who have Graciously allowed me to use their laptop....=)...

NUSPS has thrown quite a few stuff for me to handle and frankly have little confidence that i can carry the projects through first of all they want a mid autumn festival party on 11 sep....so soon when they haven't even allowed me to recruit my com and the seniors haven't formally handed over. then i have to organise this holiday get away for the whole pharmacy dept....WOW....but i can tell that it's going ot be fun....just wondering if my activities will clash with bizcom and focc...

rite have to go...time is a great athelete.

I'm writing this during lect now. you can't imagine how boring learning repeats of stuff you mugged so hard for, is like....and this module is supposed to be the least repeating one already. but the problem is, it's physical chem!!! i thought i'll be dealing with organic chem and could throw away anything to do with physics and physical chem...

the past hunts you, isn't it true. last night was on icq when this "old" friend picked up conversation with me. "old" coz we went out /dated for a while but didn't go further. in that sense, he's not a bf rite? well, apparently after i talked about uni life, union ball and showed him the photos, he brought the topic back to how our suppose
d relationship just ended in silence. either i have great understanding abilities or he was an open book, when we started i knew that he liked me, towards the end i also knew that he wanted and had never given up on his crush. After prom, he decided to go after her again, so i let him go. personally, i was also looking for a reason to tell him "i don't love you". wonder if its the photos or he genuinely felt bad and wanted to catch up as friends, he suggested that we meet up one of these days.....shallow? i wouldn't know

Wonders more, why i always come back to this topic. received feedback that i have a slack timetable and should have taken 6 modules, but now it's too late already. only thing to do now is do extra well for this sem's modules

8.30plus am
_________________________________________

VERY VERY tired.....

was at the food court for "lunch" just now and my friends say i look lost and spacey....plain tired loh....slept too little over the past few days. usually i need 12 hours one loh.....

don't know why i'm still writing this now, when i'm supposed to be doing my essay which is due tonight. maybe blogging helps kick start the writing spirit....hopefully i don't get stuck while commenting in my essay later.

saw faith's blog...wah she a lot of time to go and update leh...but then most prob she types much much faster than this and it;s second nature to her already...anyway, felt that i need to let something out, sooner or later.

i miss home....it's true, though i don't like to admit it , i see it as a weakness. but the fact that my mom hung up on the phone promptly when i told her i'm not going home this weekend disturbs me, i tot she would want to talk to me more....miss my siblings too...surprisingly i don't miss my bed, it's probably stacked with stuff my family wants to pass to me....

i'm stressed with school work. i used to be far ahead of my classmates in school work, now, i'm falling behind average. people who know me long enough know i hate this feeling....but, i just never got down to reading my newly bought textbook, i even went to buy a textbook already....sigh....really want to appear all knowledgeable in tut class next week....MUST TRY.

but the main reason why i haven't done that is because i'm spending time trying to prove that i'm good or as good as my classmates in usp....think i'm really out of their league.....feel very stupid.

other than that, i got elected as sport and social director of NUSPS. not very impressive but i like the job, can lead and play at the same time, I LIKE......feel that i need to do something fast to prove my ability to the seniors....but i'm so tied up with work....how?

and i'm beginning to lose interest in bizcom. the reason why i'm staying and not really breathing a word about this is, i like to be around my friends and i like to be part of something big. and if you're in biz com, you sort of know everything that's going on around on campus....and it's just wrong to me to pull out of biz com, after the interview and all. the only reason i'm thinking of pulling out is that i'm thinking my too busy and want some free time to myself....but that's a bad reason and it does not hold water....

i really dun mind screwing up my life, if i had a lovelife to fall back on. you know, have someone to complain to, and make u feel better thinking that he's in this together with you. Then all i needed to do want start to realise i have a rather good target in my senior class, the next time i knew, i found out that he's probably attached to a classmate of mine. and it disturbs me ALOT....oh well, accordnig to the life section in the straits times as mentioned by faith, Men love women who love being alive, who are charming, interesting and engaging. hahaha, i think i only have genteelness lacking....but anyway that's a REALLY high opinion of myself..hahaha.

NEED TO PROVE MYSELF.

find that i've been speaking without thinking too much today...let's say this pharmacy senior of mine got a worse impression of me after every sentence i made.....OH NO!!

surprised myself by writing 2 "emotional" emails to my pharmacy class within a few days..... shall post it here...but can't find the first one already....

______________________________________________________________
Dear Shiwu, (my class rep)

you are making a BIG mistake when you said that our
morale is low.....last week maybe this was the case,
but not anymore.....

i just went down to bukit timah plaza to watch the 2nd
dance group practise.....namely carolyn, sherlyn and
rachel and amy, you girls are GREAT, in fact, kenneth
was very pleased to get the bunch of you, i'm sure you
already can tell that..and the guys....i really
appreciate all your efforts and the lengths you all
went through to make it for the rehearsals and step
out to volunteer for the dance....who could have known
that yen hon can dance so well...and arthur, is there
anything you are not good at? don't worry david and
justin you all are just as good. We aim to win!

there are many ways we gauge a victory. one is by
winning the top prize for the dance competition, the
other is from how united the group is. from today,
i'll say that WE HAVE WON TOP PRIZE, cuz the guys are
practically brothers already....and the girls....yeah
girl power.!more importantly, we have quite broken the
gender barrier that seems to be ever present in
lectures.

i'm sure with all the hard work all of us have put in,
you'll never regret signing up for the dance
competition. may the memories serve you for life.

Cheers.

______________________________________________________________

basically, a close friend and ex classmate of mine passed away.....i'm really saddened by it.....but i guess he wouldn't want me to lose my bubbliness coz of his passing away....i guess i'll feel the impact of it by and by. he's a grreat friend, always concerned, my image consultant too, and my part of my confidence, a huge part too, he's the one telling me how good i look in this outfit and terrible in another. guess it helped that we spent a good 4 hours shopping, chit chating on the day he died...will treasure the clothes and earing i bought with him...but the point of my emails was that i've found a choreographer for the trifac bash dance compeition for the pharmacy, medicine and dentistry people, ironically during my late friend's wake. and it took lots of persuasion of lots of people who aren't even in pharmacy to get the help, in the end my class didn't rise up to the occasion. so i wrote a long email expressing all the above to them. the next day the guys in class held a conference to get at least 3 of them to dance, as we had no lack of femal dancers. was really glad they understood and didn't "leave me disappointed" (words from my email).


feel so tired now. but so happy i'm part of biz com 25!

SKI yoghurt is nice.....

just came back from Zouk....found that phuture has a nice ambience than zouk...my first time there btw. me and my friend play in the promotion games and won quite a bit....got 3 $30 vouchers for iRiver products....2 $5 vouchers for brosproducts...a blow-up pillow...and a very squeezable bear....biggest take away....didn't drink at all....good thing....left early...good thing too....transport is not a trouble....like the feeling.

and went SHOPPING today....and bought 3 tops.....OMG....only intended to buy one chiong top...but in the end bought 3 casual tops....but i really like them. tried on lots of clothes too hehe....there was this black dress with a draping collar and sort of necklace chain on it from top shop....very nice....best thing, i look good in it...and there was this spag strap like thing from another shop but it has a zip in the front all thru it.....nice too....specially designed to show off your belly button...hahaha.....so long didn't shop already....enjoyed myself....

yesterday went for bridge lesson.....kaoz....was almost like the only girl there...then later my 2 friends zao4 didn't tell me somemore....and to top that up...kenna bullied by the guys i was playing with....kept losing...*sob sob*......and when the in charged told me that no pharmacy students join the club before....that was the ultimate,.....began doubting.....must be a serious reason why there aren't any pharmacy students in bridge right?

achieved something new yesterday.....i didn't eat breakfast lunch and dinner....or rather anything substantial....only eat 4 small pieces of biscuit, 2 small slices of my coconut cake...and some wang4 wang4.....really made myself wonder how i survived....

received a rose today. an artificial one...the kind that you make it out of plastic material. but know what? he actually bought it for his crush to apologise to her....dun think it'll work though......and he decided to give some of his females friends one each too....sigh sigh....

anyway, went to help out at the welfare bazaar today...sat there with justin from my class for one hour, met lots of med friends from seniors too....lots of pharmacy friends dropped by too....but my booth got nothing to show...not to mention sell/ promote....when finally the stuff came....they were all working clothes...not exactly saleable material...and to top it up, the booth beside mine is selling new Lea clothes..feel like hopping over to their booth instead...

today's morning lect was.....generally feeling was, the lecturer is good...speaks understandable english but the content is a repeat of a level....how not to be bored leh? so spent my time doing the secret pal thingy i'm organising for my class....think we really need to get out of our clicks and mix around...this will be a good way. YAY!! so happy i finally carried thru the first part of this "project"....got everybody a sp by the end of 2nd lect.

talking about 2nd lect....whoa...killer man....after not touching any organic chem for 8 months....today we were introduced to new compounds and functional groups.....think no matter how good we are....all of us had to admit we were lost in there....and it's only the first lect.....tsk tsk...must go get a text book to read....

faith: i'll definitely do that......

Reason why i didn't elaborate on the guy: i find out that he's got a crush and she's not me....

Reasons i have a good impression of him:
1)he has the gift of gab
2)he really looks out for his friends
3)he's nice to get along with
4)he's smart, ok-looking, interesting
5)can't tell he plays harmonica too
6)he loves humanitarian work.

too good to be true right....that's why...that's why...

have lots to say...but was prevented by my own fatigue and malaysia's terrible power system...

anyway, want to say i had a good week, it falls within my expectations, and i got to meet many friends, made new friends and got to catch up with really "old" ones.

Fruitful week.
first, i found out my alcohol tolerance level. accompanied by how to tell i'm drunk..(the area around my eyes turn red, very interesting sign), and i'm a bit allergic to alcohol. *flings hands in the air* off all things, to be allergic to seafood and alcohol. but alcohol is a diff kind of allergy, seafood is atopic.

second, found a really nice guy....*hehe*...best part, i think got chance..

third, settled my laptop stuff and learnt to fully make use of nuscast...hahahaha

can't think of the rest...that's why my memory is failing, i'm getting old ...

I took the fruity fruit quiz

made by rav-chan

Check out which fruit you are

so long.....finally got my notebook configured today.....and it was quite an adventure....

got back to my room after playing captains ball for pharmacy orientation....hahaha, quite fun...the people..one guy eric was so sorry he "caused" me to fall..actually is i wanted to intercept the ball, bo4 cheng2 gong1 then fall one...then got another guy act like a girl...totally "no ethics" at all....we scream...he also scream and scream louder than us....tsk tsk tsk.....then the more interesting part was that me and this other girl, michelle, put up a great show, with regards to showing how close girls can be...the seniors cannot stand us...hahahahaha

Went to the comp centre...i meet a year one who is going to study there, she told me i should go to the co-op comp centre...so i trudged there, then the people there made me wait like quite long before somebody came over to tell me i have to go to the 2nd level of comp centre....so bo bian....walk back again....then after quite a while got everything configured...then went to buy the lan cable from george's mart...then realised i didn't have my wallet with me on my way back to my block...so walk all the way back again...then the cashier said never see my wallet.....eng liao loh....so went all the way to make a report....then walk all the way back to my room...notebook actually 1.5 kg but by the time i reach my room it weighed a ton...just put down my notebook, the security called me to say they got my wallet liao.....elated man!!!!....was thinking whether i should call my mom to tell her to cancel my account already.....then thnking of how she's going to scold me...if i called her again...it'll be the 4th time i'm called her today.....

so there ends my adventurous day....


was thinking that M1 and singtel are such copycats...all got free incoming now...especially M1...first they come up with a few adverts saying how free incoming service is so inconvenient....then they have this new plan....what can i say....

went to try coloured contacts today...$30 a pair...quite cheap...but it only lasts for 2 weeks....i'd rather buy from malaysia and for RM80 and it last for 3 months....decided to choose the "honey" colour...the other colours don't work for me....gray gives a wise look....that's why it doesn't work for me at all...hahaha

so happy to see my friends from medicine and engin again today.....spent 3 hours in school hanging around with them.....WOW....

so happy i finally got my laptop connected to the internet...the modem card was spoilt ....oh well, i feel that with every fault that happens to my laptop i learn more about comp hardware....it's really helps to have comp savy friends and a comp-engin-grad-cousin...hahaha

I HAD A HECTIC DAY>>>>>BUT I LOVE IT>


*sums everything up doesn't it*
anyway sch's sort of started....think i got to exercise more tolerance towards the lecturers...walked out of the course briefing talk today, skipped the NUS overseas college talk and dean's tea too....*way to go!!*

so confused as to which ecas i'm most interested in and which ones to join...actually my mom said "JOIN ONE ONLY!!!"

i'd like to obey her...but ......but.....ecas are so interesting...i would really like to obey her...so that by some miracle i can obtain a 4.** something this sem...Tall order rite???


I love karaoke....IT"S MY LIFE, it's now or never...i ain't gonna live forever...(imagine singing away the chorus when your friend's trying to tell the waitress there's something wrong it the computer display) hahahahaha...

another interesting thing happened today...i was eating this lollipop on the mrt today...no food no drinks but didn't say no sweets rite? so i was sitting there enjoying my lollipop and this woman who was observing me broke out laughing...then i looked at her in this puzzled manner and....she laughed more and walked out of the mrt....

Promised myself i'll go swimming today, so that i'll work off that muscle ache after basketball....

got on to a pretty start where i tried (but failed) to finish 2 laps in 5 mins...fell slow after the 12th lap...tsk tsk....

anyway...was struggling to fight all the waves created by new additions to the pool...next time i hope there'll be less people....

But, i had a feast for my eyes despite all the incoming attack-waves...at about 6, this family of 3 came in...the girl immediately proceeded to do 2 laps of freestyle without stopping...

the feast was the grace and skill with which exudes from her every move...every turn...from the blue waves.. lean, tanned arms shoot out one after the other...slicing through the waters...gathering speed with those slender fishlike legs of hers...(dun doubt my preferences...i still like guys..)

later...even had the privileges of witnessing her learning butterfly stroke from her father....man, does she look like a mermaid.....

On another note...we are all familiar with the "if it's good, praise, if it's bad, shut up" attitude...we're brought up with it. true, it saves you lots of criticism and bad looks from others....i know it's bad to harbour eeevil thoughts ...it kind of implies that you're not the contented lot in society...but compare this to the "speak up" spirit overseas...standing up for what you like and not like as well. for me, i'm gonna have problems adapting to the latter...but some how...we are supposed to be moving towards the "speak up" spirit rite???

wow, so happy that i have more than 1 comment on my last blog...

anyway, the happier news is....i got accepted into USP....why so late only know? coz they held the interview for foreigners in LATE july...Finally...i'm successful in something...

school's gonna start...so busy..must fill out so many forms..talk about the pros and cons of school....

it's the one place you can meet your friends without having to arrange...
you get into a routine life...at least you have work you HAVE to finish...
you get to learn things...
you get to join all the exciting ecas....and meet lots of new people

BUT on the other hand

you can't slack all day
you can't go out every day...got to adhere to a timetable...
you have to sit through long lectures...and stay up all night doing tutorials and projects

sigh...

had the best time playing basketball today...

the weather was good...depending on how you see it....when we started it was threatening to rain...so the weather was cool and windy and the sky was overcast...good feeling to be playing in the rain....reminds me of sec sch days...

when it did rain, we played "monkey"...still very fun...the monkeys were very sporting...some of them kept getting "monkeyed"....lucky me...didn't get monkeyed at all...hehehe...

got to thank the seniors who invited me...didn't really feel the age gap though...some of you really look youthful!!

want to play basketball AGAIN!!!

down with flu....it's terrible....

Faith: thanks for your encouragement gal....oh, and your blog after you got better from your "depression" made me laugh....it tickles...although maybe you didn't mean it...haha.

staying at home isn't as bad as it sounds....though all of you may think i missed out a lot and i'm just consolling myself... actually i've been doing a lot...

you see, i was expecting a group of friends to stay over on wednesday night...so on tuesday...which was the first day i was stuck at home, i started cleaning up my house...when one reallt gets started there are so many things to do...and the house really felt big to me...greatest achievement was that i did quite a shining job at washing the car and clearing out the sitting room...*lots of sweat*...

wednesday came and managed to bake a welcome walnut cake for my friends before i went to meet them....(i had little time coz i slept till 1pm...i know i keep the hours of a vampire)...did a bit of window shopping and eating...then more eating during dinner were we pigged out at a seafood shop...RM186....for crab, prawns and fish...think it's some expensive fish at that too...for 11 pple....never spent so much on food...most of us were girls...so i really didn't expect that after all that food and an extra plate of noodles, some of them could still find stomach for a burger...WOW.....

then we talked till 3 am....that's not very late....talking about everything....guess what we slept in late today too....late...

yup yup, the days passed happily...tmr will be friday..and soon it's be matriculation and then school starts....got to take anatomy this sem....hope it's as interesting as i make it out to be...

here's to everybody's happiness, coz i'm contented with being a home-girl...
*CHEERS*

Screwed....

can't go to the skin specialist for my leg...cuz it's my fault, after having fun (which sounds like a sin to my father), and spending money on it, i have to spend money on injuries which i incurred during my expensive fun, just because i don't know how to take care of myself.

i'm so clueless about what i'm going to do with my life....i'm just drifting along, whereas people are so organised and focused on their objectives...they plan and take part in everything for the sake of the future.....

i don't know why i'm keeping my life...probably because i won't know what will happen to me after that, maybe coz i live only once...i'm once again clueless....maybe i shouldn't try so hard to keep my friends....wait for them to take the initiative....like i've always been doing....so tired so tired...

when i'm tired or bored, i keep quiet.

when i'm irritated, i keep very quiet.

i'm so tired of this Cinderella thing i'm keeping up, i feel like shutting myself up at home until school starts....i fear that my mom won't let me out, then i have to keep to a time limit, then after i spend money, i feel so guilty....cost it's spent in the name of fun....

finish a story yesterday...THE FIRST EVENING by Marguerite Yourcenar.....great writer!

it took me a long time to finish this short story....as my comprehension skills are not good at all, so i had to go back and read the same paragraph a few times...not to mention the sentences are very long and winding.....

the story talks about this newly-wed couple...their first evening....as the title suggests. the problem is, the girl thinks she loves him and the guy loves her for the person she is before the marriage....so once she snuggles into her position as his wife.....

anyway, every single thing he saw heard reminded him of his mistress....who is, of cuz, not his current wife....so he had problems getting emotionally intimate with his new bride. ultimately the story ended by the mistress dying....and this event sort of solved the whole problem....

so i was thinking, is it better to be the mistress or the wife....??would you rather be a memory or the living thing who lives with the man for the rest of his life?

another question,.....is death the best way around this tricky situation?

i've finally realised something today. i'm in denial....

i've known this guy for 6 years...long...but we rarely engage in conversation. why? simply because we tot we belonged to two different kinds of people...him being the kind who has few friends but all of whom, he knew very well. but me? i prefered to know lots of people with only less than a handful who knew who i really was....

today, i was surrounded with lots of fun-loving people and....i felt left out....i couldn't believe it, i've wanted to be with these people so much....now i've with them, i feel something lacking...it has nothing to do with them, it's me....(poor gal, now she knows she's always been in denial)

I REALISED that i'm actually very much like him, i want deep friendships....just that i've been denying that i'm essentially a quiet person, that i like small groups, and i only sit and observe when i'm in a big grp...i looked at everybody and asked how much do i know about everyone of them...i've only known them for...10 days!!!

look ard again....i haven't found a person who shares my thoughts...i haven't shown my true self even....

Yippie....Yeah....HuRRAAAYYY.....

I finally got consent from my mom to go for dinner tomorrow....

here's how:
3.40pm mom called me to pick her up from the customs..

3.45pm left the house and rushed down to town, hoping i'm not late cuz i was on the internet for a while.

4.05pm reached town and picked my mom up, at a very surprising speed....i didn't speed that much....didn't feel that i sped even....clear traffic perhaps...
then i listened to her talk and talk about school and everything while jamming my mind on how to best suggest that i go out tomorrow....

sometime near 5....i succeeded.....YESH...so i called Sheila and told her i could finally make it....her surprised accent confirmed my surprise as well....

now, things does not look half as bad as things were on wednesday....personally i was considering whether i should selfishly keep this joy ot myself....

BUT oh well, what's a blog site for....if not for posting all sorts of crap on it....

finally saw a movie i want to watch :Alex and emma.....
*wonders hard whether i will get to watch it tmr*