you hurt my pride, you kilt me!
i'm on the verge of something, i can't put a finger on it, when i wake up, i dream of my future, break apart...because of the person jeremy and i are. jeremy likes to gloat, i can't handle failure. almost everything i do, i put in effort, and so, i take pride in whatever it turns out to be...may it be a paper (i know i can't write well, but i put in effort), a design, a game, anything, so long as i'm going to show it to people, i put effort in it, and i take pride in it. and hurting my pride is like killing me, coz it's pride that drives me...drives me to do better, drives me to do most things...who doesn't like to be praised for their effort.

but here comes jeremy, who excels in everything. he starts telling me that i have 3 chins and a big spare tyre round my waist, reduces my papers to nothing but rubbish, tells me that my studying methods are wrong, scores a much higher cap than me and thinks it's easy to do so. all my confidence reduced to dust, my pride totally hurt, and now my soul is bleeding. in my sub-consciousness, i dream of myself 10 years down the road having post-natal blues and going on a hunger strike, wanting to kill myself, and not allowing anybody to see me in a state which is not acceptable to jeremy, and to me.

it's really a simple matter, isn't it? just a game of starcraft. he started playing it since...pri 6? i never played computer games, and i panic, that's why i suck at it. we play this game of starcraft in which i lost despite my efforts to survive, never mind, i'm proud of myself, i can stand up against his army. i let him save the game and replay it to his bro/ anyone he wants to show it off to. yesterday, we played 4 on 4, i watched as he destroyed all my allies and i was barely trying to kill on of his when he launched a full scale attack on me. knowing that i couldn't last long, and i'm certainly not proud of the game, i quit. he still saved the game and replayed it in front of me, to gloat at me and even called in his bro... as if my humiliation isn't complete. my pride was totally hurt. wasn't he supposed to tell me, not bad, you built your army quite fast, or say something encouraging....instead, "leonard, come and see how i defeated grace!"....i really can't stop thinking about it, the more i think about it, the angrier i am... the more determined i am not to call him or receive his calls. i'm that petty...

PASSIONATE LOVER. You love to love, always looking
for a relationship. You cannot live without it.
Your lover must be passionate and you want
that you and your partner melt into each other.
He/She should not try to take the domination .
You dont want a relationship without passion,
and the sexuality plays a big part. The first
moment you meet him/her is one of the most
important. There has to be something between
you , you cannot explain. From the first moment
on everything must fix. But when this passion
disappears you disappear to. For you it is
better to leave than to see your love
restrained.

PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.


~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla

for some reason, i'm drawn to the picture...and all the other pictures from this quiz...not very accurate though...coz some of the stuff for other results apply as well...interesting how nude pictures are tinted with brillant colour and moulded into something which looks pleasing...at least to me...

am chewing on my store of coconut candy which i promised myself to only have one everyday...

woke up today to a phone call from my mom...telling me to go fetch her from the customs... after that home_lunch_go cut hair_went swimming_home_tv_dinner_tv_internet....this is an example of a slightly more exciting day than i usually have...

supposed to go sentosa today for union camp dry run... but my sister has to leave really early and there's no transport for me..and my flu...i use up a whole packet of tissue while i travel...that's how bad it is...can't recover.. maybe it's my sleeping hours..not accustomed to waking in the morning...that's why...maybe it's because i'm too weak...have not been exercising...

now i'm caught in a dilemma whether to turn up at src tomorrow or not...on one hand, i think i got to turn up....on the other...i don't want to show of my blubber to all these people who look good and i'm not comfortable roughing it out in all those camp activities with them...and my toes have been injured by jeremy while wrestling...
(i know i'm finding more and more excuses not to go)

really at a loss... can't decide...nobody to consult..

here's something for everyone who doesn't resemble barbie doll, if you look too pretty, you'll have more troubles eg man wanting to do all sorts of things to you, your bf probably likes you coz of your looks and most people pass you off as stupid...unless she claim that you're from some prestigious sch...etc

sore throat getting better...mosquitoes are starting to bug/bite me again....

tomorrow have to meet crusade people...i don't like being with them...i have to be hypocritical...and there's so little to discuss why can't they just converse over the internet and save me the trip to PS....so far and need to pay so much for travelling....sigh...

have a few paper cuts from mailrun...i'm not the only one...but me being me...i can't help but rub/scratch/whatever the cut coz as with all wounds, they itch when they are healing...that's how some or most of my wounds don't heal..all heal at super slow speed...

now i have successfully infected my sisters and my mom with my flu bug and we are all going to suffer during the holidays, esp for them coz their holidays just started...

project that my handphone bill will rocket this month...focc stuff requires lots of smsing... and people don't pick up the phone if i call from home... which is also expensive but not reflected on my hp bill....

i have bittle hair, brittle nail... should count the number of finger/toe nails which are chipped or.. deformed...or with blemishes

am going to watch shrek again tmr...my little sis wants to watch it...hahah, the show's hilarious!