you hurt my pride, you kilt me!
i'm on the verge of something, i can't put a finger on it, when i wake up, i dream of my future, break apart...because of the person jeremy and i are. jeremy likes to gloat, i can't handle failure. almost everything i do, i put in effort, and so, i take pride in whatever it turns out to be...may it be a paper (i know i can't write well, but i put in effort), a design, a game, anything, so long as i'm going to show it to people, i put effort in it, and i take pride in it. and hurting my pride is like killing me, coz it's pride that drives me...drives me to do better, drives me to do most things...who doesn't like to be praised for their effort.

but here comes jeremy, who excels in everything. he starts telling me that i have 3 chins and a big spare tyre round my waist, reduces my papers to nothing but rubbish, tells me that my studying methods are wrong, scores a much higher cap than me and thinks it's easy to do so. all my confidence reduced to dust, my pride totally hurt, and now my soul is bleeding. in my sub-consciousness, i dream of myself 10 years down the road having post-natal blues and going on a hunger strike, wanting to kill myself, and not allowing anybody to see me in a state which is not acceptable to jeremy, and to me.

it's really a simple matter, isn't it? just a game of starcraft. he started playing it since...pri 6? i never played computer games, and i panic, that's why i suck at it. we play this game of starcraft in which i lost despite my efforts to survive, never mind, i'm proud of myself, i can stand up against his army. i let him save the game and replay it to his bro/ anyone he wants to show it off to. yesterday, we played 4 on 4, i watched as he destroyed all my allies and i was barely trying to kill on of his when he launched a full scale attack on me. knowing that i couldn't last long, and i'm certainly not proud of the game, i quit. he still saved the game and replayed it in front of me, to gloat at me and even called in his bro... as if my humiliation isn't complete. my pride was totally hurt. wasn't he supposed to tell me, not bad, you built your army quite fast, or say something encouraging....instead, "leonard, come and see how i defeated grace!"....i really can't stop thinking about it, the more i think about it, the angrier i am... the more determined i am not to call him or receive his calls. i'm that petty...