VERY VERY tired.....

was at the food court for "lunch" just now and my friends say i look lost and spacey....plain tired loh....slept too little over the past few days. usually i need 12 hours one loh.....

don't know why i'm still writing this now, when i'm supposed to be doing my essay which is due tonight. maybe blogging helps kick start the writing spirit....hopefully i don't get stuck while commenting in my essay later.

saw faith's blog...wah she a lot of time to go and update leh...but then most prob she types much much faster than this and it;s second nature to her already...anyway, felt that i need to let something out, sooner or later.

i miss home....it's true, though i don't like to admit it , i see it as a weakness. but the fact that my mom hung up on the phone promptly when i told her i'm not going home this weekend disturbs me, i tot she would want to talk to me more....miss my siblings too...surprisingly i don't miss my bed, it's probably stacked with stuff my family wants to pass to me....

i'm stressed with school work. i used to be far ahead of my classmates in school work, now, i'm falling behind average. people who know me long enough know i hate this feeling....but, i just never got down to reading my newly bought textbook, i even went to buy a textbook already....sigh....really want to appear all knowledgeable in tut class next week....MUST TRY.

but the main reason why i haven't done that is because i'm spending time trying to prove that i'm good or as good as my classmates in usp....think i'm really out of their league.....feel very stupid.

other than that, i got elected as sport and social director of NUSPS. not very impressive but i like the job, can lead and play at the same time, I LIKE......feel that i need to do something fast to prove my ability to the seniors....but i'm so tied up with work....how?

and i'm beginning to lose interest in bizcom. the reason why i'm staying and not really breathing a word about this is, i like to be around my friends and i like to be part of something big. and if you're in biz com, you sort of know everything that's going on around on campus....and it's just wrong to me to pull out of biz com, after the interview and all. the only reason i'm thinking of pulling out is that i'm thinking my too busy and want some free time to myself....but that's a bad reason and it does not hold water....

i really dun mind screwing up my life, if i had a lovelife to fall back on. you know, have someone to complain to, and make u feel better thinking that he's in this together with you. Then all i needed to do want start to realise i have a rather good target in my senior class, the next time i knew, i found out that he's probably attached to a classmate of mine. and it disturbs me ALOT....oh well, accordnig to the life section in the straits times as mentioned by faith, Men love women who love being alive, who are charming, interesting and engaging. hahaha, i think i only have genteelness lacking....but anyway that's a REALLY high opinion of myself..hahaha.

NEED TO PROVE MYSELF.