LIFE IS GETTING SCARY, MUMMY ...
Friday February 18, 2005
At school or varsity, finding a job or getting married,
it's not like it used be
Dear Mummy,
I am feeling very sad.
Today in school, Zhong Guoren - my classmate from China -
beat me again, in a maths test.
That boy is an unstoppable genius machine.
Last week, he beat me in sports too.
If he were not here, I would have come in first and gotten a gold.
But because the Government says we must welcome foreign talents to
increase our population and to improve our economy,
I got a bronze instead. This sucks.
At first, we laughed at them, because their English was not very good.
Their maths and science were good,
and their Chinese was excellent
(but who cares about Chinese language, right?).
But then, their English got better and now,
they are kicking our backsides in this subject too.
I think we should get the Government to do something about this.
Why didn't you have more babies, Mummy?
I wouldn't mind having a brother or a sister to play with.
I am an only child, and because you and Daddy are not
making enough babies, we have to get people from other countries,
people who make it hard for me to be number one in my class.
I think you are very selfish to just have me, Mummy.
I don't like to lose, Mummy. I am used to being first in my class.
And my school was very small too, like Singapore,
so it was easy to be first. Now my school is bigger,
and I have to fight harder to be first.
Why can't we just compete with ourselves,
among Singaporeans only (okay, and maybe Permanent Residents)?
Why can't they have a new category for all the tests and CCAs?
We could have a Best Local Maths Student category and
a Best Local Sportsman category, then at least,
if I don't win Best Maths Student,
I can be Best Local Maths Student and feel better about myself.
Just like my school is ranked one of the
Top 20 Value-added Secondary Schools with a Special Assessment Award
for Knitting CCA, I also want to be a top student.
Maybe we need to have a new category like
"Top 20 Value-added Secondary Schools (Got China Students)".
This is because our school has smart foreign students and
should be ranked separately so that schools without
smart foreign students won't feel so jealous.
And, maybe, we should drop Literature as a subject too.
I hate Literature, hard to score "A"s.
In fact, we should have streams like EM1 (Local) and
EM1 (Chinaand Others).
Let the smart Chinastudents have their own stream.
I want to go to university when I grow up,
especially the National University of Singapore (NUS),
because our newspapers say that NUS is even better than
Princetonand Cornell in the United States.
But I hear there are many brilliant Chinastudents in NUS, too.
I don't want to be having private tuition until I am 25 years old,
just to keep up with my foreign classmates in the Uni.
Or else, I will have no time to meet girls and
then I will be forced to go to Vietnamand Kelantan to
find a wife when I want to start a family.
In fact, I am very upset with foreigners competing with us
even in this area. All the girls I know say that when
they finish studying and go to work, they want to marry ang mohs,
because Singaporemen are unromantic and
do not want to know how to make a girl happy.
So, the ang mohs are even stealing our women.
I prefer to marry a Singaporegirl, of course,
but only if she knows how to cook and wash,
and peel my prawns for me (like you, Mummy).
But nowadays, Singaporegirls are so fierce, just because they study,
and earn their own money.
Maybe that is why in Chinatown, I saw this big Singapore Rooster,
and it was sitting on eggs. I think the Singapore Hen
left him to look after the eggs,
because she had to work and do all the things an educated Hen does.
I also worry I cannot find a job when I am older. My friend,
Ah Hock, tells me his mother feels all these Chinese foreigners
are stealing our jobs and our men
(and the ang mohs are stealing our women).
That is very scary, Mummy.
You told me many Chinawomen are in Singaporeonly to do naughty things,
like relieve old men of their Central Provident Fund money.
Once an uncle wrote in the papers that we should catch those
foreign women who are tall, have long hair and legs,
and wear tight, revealing outfits in black or red and
behave coquettishly.
I think we should only accept foreign women who are short,
have short hair and legs, and wear loose,
covered-up outfits in white or blue, and behave like a man.
Okay, Mummy, I have to go to my Chinese,
maths and science tuition classes now. If I don't go,
I won't be able to beat Guoren.
Your son,
Khia Soo
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