Finished... today i've finally finished watching Da Chang Jin. took me one week, everyday 10 episodes.

and i have arrived at a conclusion, VCDs or DVDs are bad. they are bad for you, bad for your eating habits, bad for rest, bad for health. and so i fell sick too. then i couldn't do to my dad's hometown which is very much further than KL to attend some relative's wedding. then he got very pissed, saying we always find excuses not to go. not only that, i also forgot about joyce's performance. feel so bad, cannot go for performance and i made my dad angry also. only consolation is that i can accompany my mom who would have been alone at home if i went too.

YQ's salsa congress is in 8days. the congress is the week that my work starts. this time i can't be going around to perform at various clubs and venues partly because of work, and also because my partner is also very busy. so no time too practise. and he doesn't like the way things are done.

i remember feeling like this last year...the classes which i went to were repeats, and it really felt like a waste of time. but, the truth is, you can never do it perfect, and you can't expect to learn something new in every class. everytime we have new members, we have to revise all the steps again, at a very slow pace, and we'll get impatient. when the "new" members from last time commented about this, i cannot help but laugh to myself, "well, at least you are going through this one less time" there are a few ways to react. one is go for every practice, and put patience to the test. the next way is to lessen the burden of the teacher, teach it instead. the last, is don't come.

we all know which way is the best. but if you don't have enough "free" time, then don't come. the most economic way is the second though it requires more patience than from the first and time, which the third cannot afford.

everytime i come to such a junction, i'll find myself rethinking why i like salsa so much. at first, it was the chance to dance. now i have achieved that, i can social dance anytime. but it's not enough for me. when i see my classmates being so successful in applying for pHDs and places in MNCs, i feel that i should be able to achieve something as worthwhile as well. then people will come and tell me working at guardian has no future to it. an SMU lecturer said, even if you move into a managerial position, that's the furthest you can go...how sad is that?

what am i to do? work starts in one week. some of my classmates have already started work. i want to establish myself as a salsa instructor too. but how? i have to gain some "championships" under my name. it's so difficult to do that, i never had the luxury of preparing for my competitions. i would fall sick under stress. and i'm not a talented dancer, i have to do it by diligence. diligence needs time. but everyone only has 24 hours and Grace has to get enough sleep everyday otherwise she will fall sick.

how how, so depressing. can't do anything right