The Straaaight (Jacket) Times, Thursday 3rd November 2005

The Old Journal Of Medicine
--- Written by Batman and Robbins

A new research has recently uncovered that continous straining of eye muscles while reading small fonts actually makes you amnesic. In a study of 82 Pharmacy students done over this week, it was reported that nearly 99.97% of pharmacy students who were exposed to reports in small fonts concurrently reported a great memory deficieny in grasping important concepts like Pharmacokinetic properties, Adverse Effects and Which Antibiotics Cause Pseudomembranous Colitis.

Validation of this research confirmed the direct link between the straining of eye muscles and memory loss. Said Professor Tan, "When the eye muscles are being stretched to the maximum, especially when reading, it pulls onto the memory-forming centres of the brain, leading to inability to absorb and retain information." The study was conducted on 82 pharmacy students who were forced to read 12 sets of Dosage Form Design notes in the absurd space of less than one week, at the same time attempt to memorize 13 sets of Pharmacology notes.

"It is ABSURD! How to DO IT?!" screamed a student. The others agreed. Another contributing factor to the strained eye muscles was the prolonged staring at the computer screen the previous week due to excessive watching of webcasts. The transparency magnification kept zooming in and out haphazardly, causing increased strain on the eyes. Some students even reported nystagmus during the Med Chem test while looking left and right too quickly between the Original Drug and Prodrug to determine the changes in the functional groups.

When this matter was brought up, Kat Zong Eyewear Pte Ltd offered the Pharmacy students a 50% storewide discount on eyewear, hard and soft lenses and spectacles. Get a pair of new lenses and get a Free Astigmatism Checkup! Cos you will Need IT MORE after DFD! The catch is that, well, you will have to prepare your own ophthalmic cleaning lens solution. By Aseptic Manufacturing, no less. Yup and you have to do the sterility test also.

----GC (a talented "journalist", not me)