Life is unfair.

My mom controls me.

She controls my money. so i can't do anything without her approval. like when i asked her for money today, i've been surviving one whole week with $19 in my bank account, she said she just put money in my account on the 12th.... i wonder if it's 12th nov or dec. then she asked when my scholarship money is coming in.

i'm always thinking, the scholarship money is like extra money for me, a reward or something, given to me by merit. then she thinks its pocket money, so she doesn't have to give me any at all. so i have to squeeze my bank account dry before she gives me pocket money.

i'm ok with that, i understand that the whole family lives off her pay. but apparently, she feels that she's having too much money in her account now. she's bought a new singapore car. when i was fretting the whole time about my pocket money!!! gosh. and everytime i find out how much money they spend on food at home, my heart aches..... to think i even contemplated eating cup noodles sometimes, just to save money.

then i realised another thing: when my bro goes to Uni, and he probably won't get a scholarship. and my mom says she will pay for the tuition fees by cash. if you pay by cpf, he'll have to pay back when he works. but cash.... sigh. my siblings like to compare themselves to me. if i go out on christmas eve, it means, ALL of them have FULL right to do so too. no matter WHAT their age. i'm 21, she's 13? so, if i give my mom $300 every month, he'll do so too. then, where's the "debt" repayment. pocket money? he eats so much, like twice the cost of mine. y can't i use the remaining money to shop? no, i can't use my mom's hard-earned money for shopping. no i can't dye my hair, waste money and damage my hair. no i can't go for salsa. no i can't take part in a CCA which requires me to train or return later than 7pm. no i can't stay in singapore to go out with my friends and boyfriend. no i can't work to earn more pocket money. no i can't give tuition either.