New stage in life

erm, everyone, i have something to announce: i have a new boyfriend.

might come as a shock to some, coz Jeremy and me have been together for so long. but this might not be news at all to some, i've been blogging about my new boyfriend, Nigel, for a very long time...4 months??

took me quite a while to make such a clear-cut decision, lots of heart-break moments between me and my new bf, because i told him time and again that i cannot accept his love. tried gentle ways, tried cruel means, all to make him give up. but when he did give up, it was my turn to be heart-broken.

finally i decided to take a leap of faith, faith that following my heart will give me happiness.

so far, i've been riding on my new found happiness, and i'm still on the crest of it.

no doubt there are memories...good ones, bad ones, i remember them all. everything i see can remind me of Jeremy. i almost made the mistake of treating the happiness in my memories as an indication that i still love him.

then i had a good talk with Nigel, remembered why i had up my mind to make a break away from such a stable relationship, and realised how much hurt i have caused the person i love. how stupid of me to hurt the person i love because i'm not sure. how worried he must be, that anytime I can change my mind and let myself to wavered and persuaded to leave him again. yes again. after so many many difficulties, we finally got together, and it might be lost again. this lack of certainty is so scary in itself, i cannot believe what possessed him to endure it.

and yet he did. and even did the hardest task of trusting me, and sending me back to my hostel, when he knows how near Jeremy can be and how far away he'll be if anything happens.

the difference in this all, is that i do love him. besides being utterly touched, i feel very happy that i can be the woman that he showers his love upon. that i am the object of affections.

the past 12 days have passed tremendously fast, anything to make me happy, he'll do. anything to make me more confident of myself. for the first time in my life, i cycled to ECP in the evening, cycled to the end of the cycling tracks, listened to the crashing of waves on the sand while talking about anything and everything.

Thank you for this new phase in life, i trust you when you say you'll never let me down. i just hope that i receive more support in my decision.