Watched "Rumour has it..." yesterday. i know, i haven't watched a movie since a while, and neither have jeremy and me really gone out on a "date" for a while. but you can't blame a busy pharmacist student taking 6 modules this semester, including a UROPS project, who has/wants to go for salsa 3 days a week.

as most viewers will do when watching a movie and most readers will do while reading a novel, i find myself in the same shoes as the protagonist...

the thing about everybody wanting a life that's spectacular and fulfilling, i want that too... but as the grandma said, "step in line". it's because of this goal/aim that i make many decisions in my life, be it subconscious or not. like how i decided at sec 4 that i want to be a pharmacist...and i haven't regretted pursuing this education path. i thought, i like dabbling in medicine, so why not choose a profession which you enjoy doing...(i know i know, that's the ideal job everyone wants) so, i took up bio in jc...

then i got thrown to a jc of my second choice. frankly speaking, whichever choice which wasn't my first choice, i wouldn't be happy to go. first reason is the architechture...i love st nicks too much, even the building. so, hc was the nearest it got to a decent school building among all the jcs. second was the family feeling... also from st nicks. and third, well it was a silly reason. come to think of it, there's also a 4th reason: prestige. oh well. so i had to think of some other way to make my life spectaculatar and fulfilling. so guess what, i made it my "hobby" to have flings. it's probably the first most definite step i took towards eternal damnation.

but now, i'm getting the feeling that being a pharmacist is not that special... it's like a n+1... although i like the feeling of being on the shop floor, being there to offer good advice to the public... truth is, i'll just be one of those aunties standing behind a counter, or one of those money-grubbing guardian employees...whatever it is, it's a n+1 situation. being a research pharmacist or working in a pharma company doesn't make the cut either. i think the closest i'll get to being "useful" or making a contribution is teaching...i know i probably can't make it as a lecturer, i'm not even getting a 2nd upper for my honours.

hence the sadness.

then comes along salsa. something which i feel i'm not n+1 of. something which makes me feel that my existence/presence makes a difference... i hope its not that slight a difference. so, no matter how stressful or packed my schedule is...i'll still trudge on...i still remember what my pri 6 form teacher told my mom. (he's someone many/all his students and their parents respect alot) he said: "don't worry about stressing the children, children can take stress very well" and also without stress, little improvement is achieved. so, why take the easy way out...i can't quit without a fight. that being said, i'm not longer a kid, my stress tolerance level is exponentially decreasing...(signs include moodiness and headaches which i never dreamt of having)

Boooo to growing up.