took 90mins to get back from xenbar today. partly because my legs couldn't move anymore, i sat beside the expressway for a while. thinking to myself, for the first time, the beauty of the expressway. one moment all is silent, the next, some piece of moving metal will zoom pass. imagine placing yourself slightly too far out from the kerb. in a while, one of the zooming pieces of metal will meet you. then, hopefully, your heart is weak enough to stop functioning due to the trauma.

it has to be your heart that stops working, it can't be only your brain, or some limbs.... a person is dead when the heart stops beating. but the same person is a vegetable if the brain stops working.

realised that i can't do a single thing well. i can't dance (fall down just by moving to my right), can't be a pharmacist (sucky grades), can't teach as well (i had to get someone else to teach for me), can't do stretching (stretch a bit more, my muscle is strained, plus my palms start bleeding and trembling).... FAILURE...

the only thing i probably can do is not eat. didn't/forgot to eat just now, and the only thing i ate today is a sandwich for brunch, and 2 cookies...and i have no appetite. not hungry.... is this an eating disorder?