I’m in a horrible mess now. And it involves a love triangle, though I’m not sure whether it really satisfies the definition of one. Yes, a love triangle. You can write a channel 8 drama serial with my story liao.

As we have seen on recent tv serials, that dancing is a powerful way for getting people to fall in love. I have been no means spared from this. The dance partner, whom I have allegedly been flirting around with, has proved too attractive for me, and I’ve fallen for him.

Here I thought the relationship between me and Jeremy could not go wrong after all we’ve been through: the honeymoon years in my first year which involved some clubbing, watching Holland V in the tv room, and night walks to different parts of the west, his overseas exchange to germany, in which we spent lots of money on international calls, and finally a grueling semester which starts from 8 am to 10 pm. We survived that, despite many upsetting moments on my side. Then when I thought things would turn for the better during the holidays, I had to get engaged in a Salsa competition. The training for the competition eventually brought me closer to him. And him, being such a charmer, has made me think many times over my stable relationship with Jeremy. Indeed, I once mentioned that I’m as good as married.

Not that Jeremy was totally oblivious to it, he gave me so much free reign, I was reeling over the fun and excitement of courtship all over again. I’m really not blaming him for it, all these happened because yours truly has a roving eye.

Now it seems, things have reached the breaking point, and I have to make a resolute decision as to who to choose. Here stands a really fragile guy whom I love and have enjoyed being with, for the past 2 years plus; there stands an exciting lad with romance and charm to offer, and of course a fixed partner for all my salsa competitions. (not as if I’m joining lots of them) Which girl doesn’t dream of romance and chivalry, these qualities Jeremy tramples on.

What’s holding me behind? Jeremy’s sensitive feelings, I know he loves me a lot, he regards me as a very important part of his life, maybe even, the reason why he’s studying so hard for: so that we will have a better life, so that I can be a tai tai, and go shopping all day long, and of course, not to forget, the mother of his kids. His family. His mom has already been buying me lots of expensive presents, invited me to all the family gatherings. And of course, I can’t bear to throw everything, that’s been so stable, so secure away. I admit that I’ll be heart broken to break up. I have never treasured someone’s opinion of me so much. God knows how many times I’ve cried over the disagreements we’ve had, I was never such a softie.

However, despite all the logic and rationalization, I know there’s one thing I can’t change in Jeremy. That is, the romance that this new guy has to offer. If its not part of him to be so, nothing can be done to change it, forcing never helps. The future is unclear, maybe I’ll make the choice of being with this new guy, then months, or years later, I realize that who I really want, need and love is Jeremy. There is no way I can go crawling back to him and ask for acceptance. Jeremy is such a brilliant guy and I doubt that his humour can remain unattractive to girls. Then again, I would not be surprised if the government wants to help matchmake him with someone whom he is more compatible with.

Two roads lie ahead, one is to apologise to Jeremy and we both learn from this experience, and probably stop dreaming about being a salsa dancer. There’s really no point trying so dream about it when I’m decades behind my opponents. Time to stop dreaming. The other is to indulge in my fantasies and hope, with every ounce of my flabby self that it’ll work out. Not to mention going through the very, very upsetting and heartbreaking procedure of breaking up with Jeremy, the person who has been so supportive of me all this while. Without him, I’ll be worse off academically, knowledge wise, physically and not to mention socially. He was the one who taught me how to be a better friend and always spurn me on to improve myself. Of course, sometimes I wished he’ll offer flattery, or express verbally that he really thinks I’m pretty etc.

Somebody tell me what to do.