Only when my blinds are down do i know that wind blows through my room....

it's just like exams...it's just like anything....

it's just like, having training all season for that 100m sprint...and yet... you sprained your ankle somewhere in the middle, just when you tot victory was yours, just when you tot all your training has not been in vain, just when...

just when you're so high above the rest... and you fall to the ground... and you have to climb all over again... nobody will send a lift down for you... you have to climb... step by step all over again... knowing, fearing and understanding fully that you'll fall this far again... or fall even harder....

i can imagine... running for that 100m sprint, and not being able to complete it...you want to, but you can't... there's nobody at the end... awaiting you... just helplessness to greet you...

it's so helpless, waiting for my results/cap score to come out, knowing it's going to fall below expectation, and you still cherish that hope that... maybe.. maybe.. it might not be all that bad... only to be crushed again when the results come out, but you can't live in ignorance, you can't not look at the score, you can't not know how you did, because you've got to climb that ladder again...

i fell so hard...i feel like pounding the red synthetic material on the track... crying for my helplessness